For a long time, men ran away from me, leaving behind farewell notes saying: “Sorry, but I’m not worthy of you. You’re just not like everyone else.” “What could these words mean?” I wondered together with my psychotherapist Kurочка. But one day, the doctor suggested I mold my inner essence out of clay. Removing the blindfold, I saw on the table a little clay cat—imperfectly shaped, yet very charming. My first thought was that it strongly resembled Dinka, one of my three cats at the time. Kurочка jokingly said: “Your diagnosis—cat lady!”
A cat lady is a woman who keeps at least one cat at home—because psychologically, she herself is a cat. But only a woman with the temperament of a wild cat can become a true cat lady, not a pretentious one who demands her pet stop scratching the Italian sofa or begging to go outside.
Felines are a kind of feminine totem, shaping a woman’s way of thinking, behavior, and even lifestyle. Recall the movie “Catwoman” starring Halle Berry, and you’ll better understand what I mean.
Key personality traits of a cat lady
- Love of freedom: rejection of societal laws, indifference toward social morality;
- Determination: the desire to claim a worthy place in a certain area of life, whether in relationships or career;
- Unwillingness to choose (for example, between a loved one and an exciting job);
- Loyalty only to oneself and one’s ideals. These ideals are rather vague and evolve through various life events;
- Moodiness: preparing one outfit for work the night before, only to wear something completely different in the morning. She approaches all other matters the same way—writing a report during lunch break, buying a sweater she likes instead of paying the rent;
- Desire to be the center of attention. Yes, a true cat lady craves fame, recognition, and interest in herself—but only briefly. Being under the constant spotlight of video and photo cameras is burdensome for someone with a feline temperament. She needs time alone—in a warm bath, at a beauty salon, or curled up in a cozy armchair with a book;
- Laziness and dishonesty. No one is as lazy as a cat lady. She can easily sleep 14 hours and then tell her friends she missed their wedding because her fiancé suddenly returned from a business trip;
- Activity, speed, and selectiveness. No one can get ready for a party as quickly as a kitten when the right person is there. By the way, she simply won’t attend gatherings where uninteresting people are expected;
- Her gods are her pets and loved ones. And if needed, she’ll rush to the supermarket at 2 a.m. to buy canned food, diapers, or medicine. As long as this “if needed” doesn’t happen every week. Once every six months—sure;
- Cleanliness—not of thoughts, but of her body and home. This is something the cat lady is ready to work on tirelessly;
- One best friend (often from school days) is her number one enemy. The cat lady won’t say this to Lyusya’s face, but she constantly wonders what underhanded move to expect from the woman who became Lyudmila Ivanovna.
The cat lady in love
1. A cat lady’s personal life is often polyamorous. In her view, one man lacks education, another financial stability, a third a sense of humor, and a fourth leadership qualities. So the “cat” falls in love with separate admirable traits in different men—but only briefly, until she truly falls in love with one man, despite all his flaws, which, naturally, will be numerous. Yet she will spend her entire life with him. A man married to such a woman can expect a strong, yet highly interesting and unpredictable marriage.
2. The woman with a feline totem inherits the best from her relatives: the panther, leopard, and tiger. Her husband won’t find out about betrayals, and when money is tight, he’ll be surprised by the abundance of food on the table, how the children—who swore hatred for each other yesterday—suddenly reconciled, and why his mother-in-law took his side in an argument. Thus, in family life, the cat woman is a wise strategist and cunning tactician.
3. “I molded him from what I had,” sings Alena Apina in her famous song. But in the case of a cat lady, it’s often the man who tries to reshape the woman’s life foundations. Yet the “cat” will never submit to anyone. Only respect can earn the respect and affection of such a unique woman.
4. When life with a lover begins to feel psychologically like a prison, the kitten goes “outside” (to a nightclub or bar) and starts a one-night affair. She continues this until her soul calms down—then returns to the same dish served cold.
Advice: don’t awaken the beast in the “cat,” or you’ll regret her revenge.
How does a woman who owns a kitten psychologically differ from one who prefers a dog?
Tetyana Smirnova, specialist at an animal shelter: “Cat ladies are more whole and fulfilled in life than dog ladies. Cat owners don’t need a particularly demanding outlet—a cat takes up little space, doesn’t require much attention due to its independence, yet won’t refuse toys or petting when the mistress decides to relax and relieve stress by shifting her attention to a soft, living, pleasant ‘toy.’ And of course, there’s the pleasant, indulgent feminine feeling of protecting something weaker, smaller, plus beautiful, pleasant to touch, and soothing to the eyes and soul. As for dog ladies—I’ll describe them based on myself.
These are people who constantly feel something is missing: love, attention, devotion, loyalty, friends. And dogs are almost human—just unable to speak. A woman lacking love and affection usually chooses a small dog and showers it with love and pampering. A woman indecisive in life typically picks a larger dog to add weight to her presence and tries to be strict and decisive—at least with the dog. A lonely woman disillusioned with love seeks in a dog a devoted companion she can even talk to.”
A. Borodin, psychotherapist, confirms T. Smirnova’s words: “There’s an underlying association here: a cat is affectionate but independent, while a dog represents loyalty and devotion. These are the unconscious needs guiding people.”
Should you change yourself to become seemingly happy?
I was upset that men avoided long-term relationships with me because of my “feline behavior.” So when my ex Vadik called (he had no one to go with to a formal event), I went to great lengths to fit the idea of “being like everyone else.” After solemnly celebrating three months of cohabitation, we had a furious fight the next morning. It turned out that “being like everyone else” didn’t appeal to him—just as “being special” once hadn’t.
But when, six months later, I sneaked into a nightclub behind my new admirer Alexei’s back to meet Vadim, the latter was at my feet. Now neither Vadik nor Lyosha minds my double life. It just so happened that I fell in love with two men. Fortunately, my boyfriends’ creed aligns with mine: in love, you must always be yourself.
