If a guy meets you and right after “Good day!” announces that he has only 15 bucks in his wallet — is that a reason for sympathy, disappointment, or…?
Naturally, the translation of this phrase is simple: “Honey, we’re not going to the movies or a café today, and don’t count on bus fare from the subway either (though you’ll only find out about that near the subway station: ‘Shall we take a walk? What lovely weather!’).”
There might be another version (with an imitation of care): “You must be hungry (Of course! At the end of a school day!). Let’s go to your place. You cook, and then we’ll go for a walk.” The meaning is the same. Only with an addition: “And meanwhile, I’ll also eat at your place.”
Then he launches into lengthy explanations about how his dad hasn’t been paid for two weeks now, despite the fact that only yesterday he told you how much fun he had at a neighboring bar. When you’re not around, he feels terribly lonely (and simply has nothing to do, being completely unfamiliar with that hard-covered thing called a book).
Then he asks to borrow 500 rubles for an indefinite period and kindly agrees to let you treat him to beer.
Having “loosened” his tongue with alcohol, he begins telling you about his hard life: how difficult it is to work and study, how hard it is to live when parents don’t understand, and a mean professor won’t give him a 4 just because he attended his class once, and so on and so forth. He wants you to pity him, comfort him, caress him. Like a mother.
I asked: does a guy — a man, protector and provider, brave and decisive — have the right to be pitied?
But why not? — someone might object. But then what about the image of a stable, strong, unshakable superhero? I’m afraid it would fade…
My friend never even considered that a guy could have a headache. Her father had always proven this to her since childhood. So when her beloved started whining that he had a migraine, needed to lie in bed, take a pill, and that he was basically dying, she was surprised and confused. After all, this had always been her privilege — to press her tender, feverish forehead against his manly shoulder and say: “Oh, I feel so bad!”
— Do you want me to feel sorry for you? — I ask the cause of my reflections.
— Yes. Feel sorry for me. — he answers, looking at me with the eyes of an offended stray dog.
Of course, every person has the right to be weak. But in my opinion, there’s one thing to ask for pity while telling how “hard life is” (but who has it easy these days?!), and another — simply to sit beside you and stay silent.
I felt sorry! I pressed his sad little face to my chest, stroked his head, sang him a lullaby, covered his hot nose with tender kisses. Like a mother. A second mother. And he will feel protected. Like in childhood. But will he be able to protect himself?.. And if you play the role of a second mom, what guarantees that one day he won’t bring his real love to you, as to a mother?
And what about from his side?
— Everyone faces difficulties in life. One must learn to overcome them!
Sounds just like a hymn. Suppose you have trusting, close relationships, the kind called intimate, you’re almost like family, and he shares his life burdens with you in a family-like way, naturally expecting that you’ll solve them together, again, in a family-like manner. But you’re not family. And you’re not yet thinking about a white dress, a long table full of guests and Olivier salad.
Can a guy, not yet bound by family ties, show his weakness to a girl? Will she want to walk further with him along life’s path? Won’t that stone wall, which traditionally symbolizes a man and behind which a woman should feel safe, crumble prematurely?
