– I’m not dating — I have a boyfriend…
– Next you’ll say: “I won’t eat ice cream — I’ve got dumplings at home.”
Even the most confident, intelligent, beautiful, and self-sufficient women make irreversible mistakes in their search for love, primarily because they are trapped by various stereotypes and misconceptions.
Mistake one
You can’t meet people online — it’s not proper, there are no decent individuals there. According to English etiquette, you shouldn’t talk to strangers without being introduced by a third party. And besides, if I already have a partner (husband, lover, roommate, dear friend — underline what applies, cross out what doesn’t), even if he doesn’t satisfy me, one shouldn’t seek better from good. He’s mine, however inadequate he may be.
Thus, you significantly limit your chances of improving your personal life and reduce your options.
Don’t be shy or doubtful — boldly post your profiles everywhere possible, both on social networks and dating sites. It’s untrue that only societal outcasts, maniacs, losers, pick-up artists, and womanizers hang around online. The possibilities on the web are endless. You can find anything you desire! Dating sites host diverse individuals, offering countless opportunities to learn something new.
So never doubt — online you will certainly find suitable partners from whom you can choose.
Mistake two
I’m so intelligent, refined, and elevated that no one understands me — only a select few.
Understanding can be achieved with any person if you accept them as they are, don’t expect tricks from them, don’t suspect them of improper intentions, remain sincere, and treat them with attention and sympathy.
Are you afraid of not finding mutual understanding? Do you believe men and women are creatures from different planets who simply can’t comprehend each other?
On this topic, here’s my favorite anecdote.
Doctor (writing in the medical record): Sit down, dear. Tell me what’s wrong.
Visitor: I have… a blank stare. And my right shoulder twitches.
Doctor (continuing to write): Valerian and two pills of “whateverin” at night — and it’ll be gone like magic, like magic.
Visitor: At night I dream I’m building underground pyramids in Tuscany. I’m terribly concerned about preserving frescoes and the behavior of mortar in contact with groundwater.
Doctor (looking up): Really! What do you use to reinforce the foundation? I highly recommend twisted quads of tempered rods — a time-tested method, you know.
Visitor: Doctor, something’s wrong. On my phone’s caller ID, the names of people who haven’t called me, all the words on signs and posters that catch my eye — they’re all cognates. My hamster hasn’t spoken to me for four days; he sits motionless in the corner of his cage, staring at me with the gaze of a Balrog aiming his whip at Gandalf.
Doctor: What a well-read little animal! Haven’t you tried giving him Russian classics?
Visitor: Doctor, I feel and understand women.
Doctor (dropping his glasses on the desk, half-whispering): Oh dear…
Actually, it’s a myth! People are all different. Everyone has their own mental “cockroaches,” and they’re all of different breeds, with no correlation to gender. Therefore, women don’t always understand other women, and men don’t always achieve mutual understanding or consensus. It’s all about psychological compatibility!
Mistake three
– Doctor, everyone ignores me. – Next! Nobody cares about me. Everyone is only concerned with themselves. An egoist is someone who loves themselves more than other egoists do. To love oneself means to be selfish.
There’s no need to scream at your monitor or pound the desk, avoiding hitting the keyboard — “this is immoral, this is egocentrism; nobody needs you if you only love yourself!”
And indeed, you shouldn’t love only yourself. Love both yourself and those around you. Love everyone, love the whole world, but above all — love yourself. Because:
How can anyone love you if you don’t love yourself?
Mistake four
I just need to want to meet my love very much, and she will find me on her own. “You shouldn’t wait for love — it appears uninvited!”
The main problem of our time is passivity. People observe, listen, gather information, but don’t apply it in life. That’s why they remain stuck in place, don’t grow, and fail to fulfill their desires.
You must declare to the world that you desire love, and only then will the universe respond to your request and send you the man of your dreams.
Mistake five
How terrifying life is! Life is nothing but a thorny path, one pothole after another, endless troubles, problems, traps, and difficulties.
You must stop focusing on your problems, stop thinking about the negative, fearing tricks and misfortunes. Don’t attract them into your life! Don’t do it! Fear nothing!
Be like Little Red Riding Hood from the anecdote.
Night… forest… a wolf is sitting. He hears someone rehearsing songs. Looks — Little Red Riding Hood is walking and shouting Rammstein at the top of her lungs across the entire forest. He says to her:
– Little Red Riding Hood, have you gone mad? Night… forest… aren’t you afraid?
– Why be afraid? I know the way… I love sex…
Mistake six
God endured, and commanded us to do the same. We don’t live for joy, but for conscience. The soul is perfected through suffering.
There’s no need to endure pain, indulge in your suffering, or torment yourself and others with negative emotions.
Choose positivity! You must experience joy here and now, because life is so short and fleeting!
Immediately leave wherever you feel bad, without regret or disappointment. Run away without looking back. Don’t cling to unsuitable relationships, don’t waste your time and energy on them.
Mistake seven
All men are obsessed with sex and want nothing else from women.
That’s not true. There are men who aren’t preoccupied with sex, whose temperament may be lower than yours. Then you’ll face another problem: how to enchant, seduce, and arouse him… How to get him to notice you as a woman. Believe me, these are far greater difficulties than escaping the clinging hands of a sexual maniac.
She says to him:
– Come on, disconnect from your Internet, from those “Hedgehogs” and their jokes — let’s go make love.
– Yes, yes, darling. You start, I’ll join you in a moment.
The idea that women constantly have headaches is a widespread myth unrelated to real life. Sexual temperament does not depend on gender. It’s merely a historical belief that women don’t receive (can’t or shouldn’t receive) pleasure from sex.
Mistake eight
Men look for free housemaids in women — someone to serve them, feed them, dress them, create comfort and coziness, and solve all their daily problems. The kind of scenario where “the love boat crashes against everyday life.”
This is a common stereotype, also shared by men in a different interpretation: women need a free household helper, not a beloved person, a unique personality, or a bright individuality.
Discard these worn-out notions, don’t mix the material and spiritual worlds. Enjoy your feelings and sensations. Push demands like “Brushed your teeth? Then close the tube, pancake” to the background. Eliminate them from your life.
Mistake nine
A man is a provider. He must support a woman.
Help! I’m stunned by these words. No one owes anything to anyone! Neither does a man owe anything to a woman, nor a woman to a man. Their union is purely voluntary and continues only if it brings satisfaction to both. Living at someone else’s expense is a serious sin. Drinking someone else’s blood is even worse!
Mistake number ten
If I give a man my attention, time, warmth, and tenderness, then I should receive just as much in return. At the very least, I can expect his gratitude.
Don’t keep score! You’re not in a bank or in the middle of shopping. Love is "I give myself to you," not "I take you for myself." If you do something for a man, do it completely selflessly, finding joy in the act itself and without expecting him to appreciate it. If you don’t want to do something—don’t do it. If you need something—say it directly, rather than holding back irritation, waiting for the man to guess. He’s not a telepath! And if you don’t get what you want—well, that’s just how it is. You’ll find it somewhere else.
Attention, question! How many of these mistakes have you personally made?
