We women are not hysterical. Although some people claim otherwise—usually men. As for us… we’re simply distrustful by nature, because we’re sensitive, thoughtful, and perceptive. Unfortunately, this trait doesn’t seem to work in our favor.
The moment a loved one misses a single phone call, we start thinking he’s “fallen out of love” or “found someone else.” If he gives us a kitchen blender as a gift, we assume, “He doesn’t like my cooking.” If he dares to mention that we look better in a dress than in jeans, we immediately conclude it’s because our “backside is too big,” rather than thinking he simply likes seeing us in a dress. Men are often baffled why an innocent remark leads to offense, silence, or tears—because they naturally lack this very distrust. They are able to think logically, avoid overanalyzing, and simply live in the here and now. And I decided to learn all of this—from men.
Here’s what I discovered after careful observation and questioning.
Most men have a healthy self-esteem. Of course, like all mentally healthy people, they have insecurities, but these don’t prevent them from living and enjoying life. “Sure, Mishko earns more, and Pasha has thicker hair. But I’ve got a cooler car and know more jokes. Anyway, I’m who I am—if you don’t like it, go find someone else.”
Benefits: with this mindset, it simply won’t occur to you that your legs, breasts, or other body parts aren’t good enough to love them as they are. At the same time, doubts about whether he’s with you only temporarily while secretly eyeing a better option will vanish.
How to learn: stop all negative thoughts about yourself—let’s be honest, there are quite a few each day. The next time you’re tempted to say to yourself, “Look at you, you cow, you ripped your tights!” or “What an idiot, forgot to send the report to my colleague!”, pause. You don’t have to be perfect and flawless; it’s enough to simply be yourself. If a negative thought slips through anyway, immediately patch the hole in your self-esteem with a positive one. For example: “Yes, I ripped my tights, but my skirt fits me perfectly, and I can buy new tights at the next subway passage.” “Yes, I forgot to send the report, but I managed to complete many other tasks and will have time to update it with new results.”
Men focus on only one thing at a time. That is, if he’s working, he’s working. If he’s reading the newspaper, he’s reading the newspaper. He’s not simultaneously thinking about what needs to be bought at the store, what you’re doing right now, whether Petya reconciled with his wife, or that he should visit his mom on the weekend. He might think about these things if his current task isn’t very engaging—like when he’s driving or taking a smoke break. In all other situations, men exist in the present moment and nowhere else.
Benefits: he interprets your lack of calls as good news. If you’re not calling, it means everything’s fine with you, your urgent presence or help isn’t needed, and he can calmly continue working.
How to learn: occupy yourself with activities that interest you. “And who will do boring chores like washing dishes? Pushkin?” you might ask. And I’ll tell you: any dull task can be made enjoyable by using your imagination. Or, at the very least, plug in your player with energetic music. The more activities you have, the less time you’ll have for pointless overthinking.
Men don’t stress over every little thing. They operate based on actual information, not imagined scenarios of “what if” and “maybe.” No man would ever think you’re saying “thank you” to a waiter in a restaurant and suggesting a generous tip simply because he has a nice backside. So you shouldn’t speculate either about whether your partner was more impressed by the service level or the waitress’s chest. And if you don’t call, he won’t send twenty desperate texts trying to figure out what happened, whether he offended you, or if you still love him. After all, if such questions do come to mind, he’ll simply call you and ask point-blank.
Benefits: jealousy, misunderstandings, and unspoken grievances will leave your relationship once and for all.
How to learn: voice your thoughts. But with one caveat: do it as briefly and concretely as possible, so you don’t turn your relationship into endless heart-to-heart talks, which men typically dislike. Once you get an answer, accept it at face value—don’t try to find a second, third, or tenth hidden meaning. Men aren’t good with hints; they usually say exactly what they mean.
Men take action. They don’t endlessly weigh every “pro” and “con” to the point of absurdity, but rather make a plan and stick to it. If a man wants to see you, he calls and invites you out. He won’t calculate who called last or how many days have passed since your last conversation, nor will he agonize over whether you’ll think he’s too pushy if he calls, or whether it’s better to call or text. He simply does what he decided to do.
Benefits: men may sometimes do many foolish things, but they don’t belittle themselves—they keep moving forward. And sooner or later, they reach their goal.
How to learn: don’t give yourself time for unnecessary thoughts. Once you’ve made a decision, dive in headfirst—you’ll manage somehow. Along the way, you’ll learn to plan clearly and quickly assess the consequences of your actions. After all, experience, as they say, is the “child of difficult mistakes.”
Men deal with problems as they arise. And of course, they won’t invent problems for themselves. If you cheat on him, he’ll definitely punch the offender, get drunk with friends, think it over, and decide whether to leave or stay. But he won’t spend an hour imagining in vivid detail what he’d do if you cheated on him. That hour he’ll spend working, playing computer games, reading, watching TV, or having sex. And when there’s absolutely nothing to do, he’ll lie down and fall asleep, as a person with a clear conscience and a light heart should.
Benefits: your nerves stay intact, and no premature graying—unless it’s hereditary.
How to learn: become a bit of a fatalist and accept the idea that everything destined to happen to you—good or bad—will happen anyway. And worrying won’t change a thing. You won’t be able to prepare yourself this way for life’s blows, but you will weaken your immunity to them, since, as is known, optimists endure difficult periods much more easily than pessimists. Learn to see the good around you, and life will become much happier—not only for you, but also for your man.
