Class reunions, chatting online with old acquaintances, or even an unexpected call from an ex-husband can completely change your life—and not necessarily for the better. To avoid getting caught in the web of past love, we recommend not opening the door to anyone, and if you do open it, at least follow these guidelines.
Who’s ringing the bell
Let’s consider the extreme scenario—your phone rings, you look through the peephole, and there he is (the one because of whom you’ve shed buckets of tears, soaked a hundred handkerchiefs, and left behind a pile of torn photographs).
The first thing you should think about (instead of tugging at your robe and fixing your hair) is whether you should open that door at all? Most likely—no! Because a dictator wants to enter your peaceful life, someone who believes that not only has he reached a point of renewal, but that you also long to make his existence more beautiful.
Don’t forget that if he’s come back, it means life hasn’t worked out for him without you. And if it hasn’t worked out, then most likely something is wrong with him.
Dead cat
Option two. You’re convinced you can’t live without him, that his absence is the cause of all your troubles, and besides, you’re simply curious to see what he’s become.
As they say, curiosity killed the cat. That’s exactly why, after you say “Hi” and hear in response “I came to talk to you,” understand that you’ve entered a war zone where no one can be trusted (not even yourself). From this moment on, stay alert and carefully measure every gesture and word.
Master of long monologues
Ideally, the conversation should take place on neutral ground—in a park, café, on a bench near a trolleybus stop, or simply during a walk around the block. And under no circumstances should you touch him, not even with a fingertip, because he will inevitably interpret such a gesture as an invitation to rekindle the relationship.
Don’t speak first. If he remains silent, simply ask why he came or what he wanted to talk about.
But if you start elaborating on how you’ve lived without him for long months (years or decades), he’ll assume you’re either crying on his shoulder or, conversely, fabricating trivialities to boast. Keep in mind that he won’t listen to you carefully anyway, because he came only to deliver his monologue (and a long, eloquent one at that).
Businesswoman’s mask
Depending on how long you’ve been apart, he (your one and only) has accumulated countless trump cards. It’s best to let his detailed account of how much he now earns, which countries he’s visited, how many natives he’s seduced, and what real estate he’s acquired pass right by your ears. In the best case, 70% of what he says will be true; in the worst, zero.
Answer his questions dryly: “Yes,” “No,” “Fine.” Say you’re living, well, like everyone else. Have enough money. Completely happy. Moderately wealthy.
In short, do everything possible not to let him feel like a knight on horseback, lucky enough to rescue a weeping princess.
Walking on rakes
If you don’t make any mistakes and the first meeting ends almost fruitlessly, expect a second round. And in it…
Be certain that he’ll arrive with a suitcase full of ideas, the sophistication of which will depend on his imagination and financial means. The best thing you could possibly do in your position is to refuse a second meeting altogether—because you won’t have the strength to reject him when he shows up at your place, and you won’t realize into what quagmire this will drag you until a month and a half or two later.
If you manage to handle it, send him back where he came from, and forget about him for just as many years again, then don’t doubt it—you’ll have done the right thing and saved yourself from taking the second (or nth) step onto the rakes lying in wait.
4% chance of success
And option three. During the first meeting, you thoroughly told him about your life. Then, during the second meeting, you responded emotionally and shed tears over your shared past. And after that, when he came over for a cup of tea or a bowl of soup, you agreed that perhaps you should give it another try.
In this case, all we can do is wish you courage and success. After all, psychologists aren’t wrong when they say that although only 4% of old relationships, still, do end in happy married life.
