Being a mistress is immoral and disgraceful, yet intriguing. It’s thrill and uninhibited sex, but also risk and guilt. It’s gifts for holidays and for no reason, and the painful wait for a phone call. It’s a good life, unburdened by daily routine, yet loneliness during celebrations. It’s impulsive and free love, not dictated by duty as in marriage. You are a beloved woman, but the director of life has assigned you a supporting role.
Playing a secondary role is not as simple as it may seem. So allow us to offer you several pieces of advice.
1. If you entered this relationship not out of love, but (let’s be honest) with some calculation, then try not to fall in love further on. Since women are highly emotional beings, it will be very difficult not to become attached to the man. But if you’ve taken on the role of a mistress, stick to it until the end. This will protect you from disappointment and tears when the inevitable end arrives.
2. He will not leave his wife for you. But actually, that’s got nothing to do with you. If his wife fully satisfies him as a guardian of the hearth, then why trade one for the other? He is convinced (and somewhere rightly so) that within a year at most, you’ll become just another shrew in a blue bathrobe. And one small PS—ignore his stories about what a terrible wife he has. This is more likely a way to evoke your pity and your desire to comfort and nurture him, rather than the truth.
3. Make a small agreement, outlining who expects what from your relationship. Remind him that he insisted on a free, commitment-free relationship whenever you consider making demands of your own. But don’t surrender your own freedom either.
4. Keep your distance; don’t let his phone calls dictate your life. Sometimes you need to refuse a meeting. You have no rights over his life, but he has none over yours either.
5. No household issues or any other problems from him. These are the responsibilities of his wife, who took them on in exchange for the right to be called his wife. You are deprived of that title, and therefore owe him nothing. Recently, men have developed a tendency to transfer their difficulties onto a woman because they’ve “made her happy” sexually. Hopefully, you’ll avoid this mistake. Besides, a woman’s desire to please a man is interpreted by him as a wish to get married—and clearly, he doesn’t want that.
6. Clearly define for yourself the boundary between gifts, help, and payment for sex. If you agree to payment, then let’s honestly call things by their names. Gifts and especially assistance should be accepted generously and proudly, in accordance with Bulgakov’s “Never ask for anything. Never and nothing, especially from those who are stronger than you. They will come themselves, and give everything on their own!
So that “it won’t hurt so much” after the euphoria of novelty fades and the excitement ends, before love turns your life upside down—clearly and honestly assess your place in his life; perhaps you won’t even want to borrow it.
