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People tend to believe that infidelity is always the wife’s fault — that through her neglect, she killed her husband’s passion and love for her.
Supposedly, because she stopped taking care of herself, lost her beauty and youth, the husband found himself a younger, more attractive, and well-groomed woman. But what about the opposite scenario? It often happens that a man turns to a woman who is far less attractive than his wife, less well-kept, one buried in household chores, lacking prospects, without a successful career — in short, to an unremarkable woman. Why does this happen?
The world began to seriously ponder this phenomenon when it became known about Schwarzenegger’s affair with his housekeeper, who wasn’t just less attractive than his wife — by general standards, she was quite plain-looking, not only in facial features but also in physique, which left much to be desired. Yet he betrayed his wife, and likely more than once, since he has a son with the housekeeper. Hugh Grant and Jude Law were also unfaithful with unremarkable women. If such celebrities cheat on their glamorous partners with ordinary-looking women, what can we say about average men whose wives are far from being stars whose beauty captivates the world?
One could, of course, speak about male polygamy — that men are naturally inclined to chase any skirt. But then why don’t public figures cheat with equally glamorous beauties, which they could easily do? They have countless connections and phone numbers at their disposal, yet men continue to choose average women, without radiant smiles, stylish hairdos, or skin perfected in beauty salons.
After reflecting on this, psychologists have identified two main reasons. The first is human warmth. Beauty is one thing, but emotional qualities mean a great deal. Men don’t cheat randomly, especially when their choice falls on unremarkable women. The truth is, infidelity signals problems within the couple. The husband is acutely missing something in this relationship. Perhaps he needs support or praise, dreams of heartfelt conversations, wants to open up to someone who truly understands him.
Emotional connection arises between people precisely through conversation. Once a person realizes their interlocutor understands and supports them, they begin to develop feelings — perhaps not love, but at least sympathy. Only after this do people end up in bed, and voilà — infidelity occurs. A man cheats when driven by emotions; he may be captivated not by beauty, but by zest for life, charm, or kindness — qualities he lacks in his wife.
The second reason for infidelity is the wife’s success. A man subconsciously wants to always feel superior to his wife. When he is successful, he feels good and the relationship feels strong. But as soon as the woman starts earning more, advancing faster in her career, or becoming more famous, everything begins to fall apart. The man starts feeling inadequate, anxious, and loses self-confidence. Many things stop bringing him joy. At such moments, it’s easy to push a person toward infidelity, as they seek self-affirmation. And cheating with an unremarkable woman is much easier — she is more accessible and ready to share moments of happiness with a man she likes.
Added to this is the factor that successful women always lack time for their partner. They are forced to spend long hours at work, travel on business trips, and are absorbed and happy during their career ascent, rarely considering that their husband might feel neglected or in urgent need of attention. At this point, another woman appears — one who has plenty of time and is willing to devote it to this man. He feels grateful for her attention and believes he must repay her.
There is yet another factor that may play a role in a man’s affair with an unremarkable woman. He doesn’t actually want to change anything — he simply wants to attract attention. When other methods fail, he resorts to heavy artillery. The man picks the first available woman and proceeds. Moreover, he deliberately ensures his wife finds out. Then, begging for forgiveness, he says something like, “I lost my mind — just look at her, she’s not even worthy to polish your shoes.” The wife usually forgives him. The goal is achieved.
There’s much to reflect on. First, no one is immune to betrayal, not even stunning beauties or intelligent women. Second, time for family must always be a priority, regardless of rapid career growth or other dazzling achievements.
