What to do if your partner has proposed, but is in no hurry to file for marriage at the registry office?
For you, marriage is a dream; for him, a trap he is desperately trying to avoid. Why does this happen?
Men resort to all kinds of tricks to convince a woman that getting married is not a good idea. Some seriously lie, claiming they lead a secret life, work for intelligence agencies, and don’t want to put their beloved at risk that marriage might bring.
Others start whining and insist that such a smart, beautiful woman shouldn’t burden herself with a loser of a husband. “You deserve better!” they cry out. A third group prefers to simply stay silent and does its best to avoid marriage talk altogether, even while assuring you they love you “more than life itself.”
But the question remains: what is the real reason behind a man’s reluctance to marry?
Fear of having children.
One of the main differences between cohabitation and family life is the presence of children. Of course, it’s possible to have a child without being officially married to someone, but more often children arrive after marriage. And your man simply isn’t ready for this. He fears that right after the wedding, you’ll decide to fully dedicate yourself to future offspring, quit your job, and pay less attention to him.
Significant financial expenses.
A wedding is an event that requires serious spending. Estimate the costs you’re facing and whether your partner can afford them without jeopardizing the future family budget. Of course, you could have a modest wedding, buy an inexpensive dress or rent one, limit the guest list to close relatives, and save on the limousine, banquet, and other luxuries. Perhaps your man wants the perfect wedding for you and is saving up for it.
He is young.
How old did you say your man is? Has he already “had his fill” of freedom? Many don’t want to marry even at 30, believing that the registry office isn’t a dentist’s office and can always wait.
You can’t cook.
Almost every woman can prepare scrambled eggs, mashed potatoes, dumplings, or sausages. But what if you can’t even do that? Then it’s time to rush to the stores for a cookbook and ingredients. Learn not only to prepare his favorite dishes but also to delight him with something new.
You have too many whims and excessive demands.
Few people notice these two flaws in themselves. You may perceive having all your wishes fulfilled as normal, forgetting even to say thank you. This may suit him while you’re just his girlfriend, but he fears that after marriage, your demands will grow, and he simply won’t be able to keep up.
Housing issues.
If neither he nor you have a spare apartment where your young family could live after the wedding, you’ll have to coexist with parents. This is difficult for many reasons. First, a household should have only one mistress—chances are, it won’t be you, but his or your mother. Second, either he or you will have to adapt to someone else’s habits, which is far from easy. Third, living separately means living separately.
His friends are unmarried.
When all his friends either lack stable relationships or don’t want to marry, a man fears appearing as a black sheep. What will his buddies say? How will he look against their backdrop? No matter how much he loves you, he knows that when it’s an all-male gathering, there’s always a chance of meeting new women. Your fiancé may not rush to flirt with a new beauty, but among his single friends, he’ll feel out of place. Eventually, all his friends may find steady girlfriends or wives. If he’s highly dependent on his peers, you’ll either have to wait a while or introduce your female friends to his circle.
You’re too eager to play the wife.
No wonder he’s silent about marriage—you talk about it constantly: names of future children, the color of his shirt, the style of your dress, the guest list, the wedding venue… while he’s only mentioned it in passing.
Five dead-end situations:
1) If you’ve been dating a man for over a year and he hasn’t made any proposals regarding your future together, the conclusion is clear: he doesn’t intend to marry you—you’re just a temporary option for him. Even if he eloquently explains his slowness, remember: for someone who truly loves, such reasons don’t exist.
2) If you’re dating a very career-oriented man who believes you shouldn’t have any personal interests beyond serving him as a secretary, errand runner, or sexual partner, be cautious—perhaps he dreams of a “little kitten” for his nest, while you’re merely the “shadow” of a busy man.
3) If you’re dating a man whose pre-marital phase has dragged on, or who has preferred to remain a bachelor for many years after a divorce, don’t be fooled into thinking a bachelor is easy prey. He might turn out to be unsuitable for anyone, as he values freedom more than family ties. Of course, if you have the time and desire, you might become his eternal companion.
4) If you’re dating a man who constantly talks about the virtues and qualities of his future wife, be sure he will strictly demand that you match this ideal. If the list of virtues seems too long, it’s better to end the relationship immediately.
5) If you’re dating a man who frequently uses the word “would” (“I would do it, but…”, “It would work out…”), you’re dealing with a dreamer who will build you only a castle in the air… Well, you can live in a castle made of air. After all, it’s still a castle…
You’re in luck if you’re dating a man who seems simple-minded because he’s quiet; who would rather build or fix something with his own hands than spend all his free time at a bar with friends; and who boldly takes responsibility for your entire future life—hold on to him! This is exactly the kind of person who is right for family life.
