You had a huge fight. You argued over something very important to you—your right to freedom. Lately he’s been controlling you too much—where you’ve been, who you were with, what you did, what you talked about. And now even: “You shouldn’t smoke!” Since when do you have to do only what he likes and avoid what you enjoy? After hurling a lot of hurtful words at each other, you both stormed off, slamming the door loudly.
All day you’ve been fuming at him, recalling every past offense. Then you imagined what you’d say when he finally called, how you’d make him apologize for his words and actions. But time passed, and still no call came. “Oh really! Is he offended? How dare he! I’m the one who should be offended, not him!”—anger flares up inside you again. But not for long. By evening, a heavy anxiety begins to spread through your soul. Why isn’t he calling?
Placing the phone next to your pillow, you lie awake for a long time. When you finally fall asleep, you dream that you’re together again. The alarm clock jolts you back from the dream, returning you to lonely reality. All day you walk around in distress. Maybe he’s left you? You keep staring at your phone, trying to guess by its appearance when it will finally ring. It rings. But it’s not him. You feel like crying all the time.
Three days of post-argument torture completely exhaust you. Why, why, why isn’t he calling?
Well, does this ring a bell? Probably every woman has experienced this awful feeling after a fight: “What if he’s left me?” And your lover still doesn’t call and doesn’t call, while time keeps moving on. Stop! You might actually lose him this way. If he won’t call—then you call first.
First and foremost, keep in mind—the sooner you call after a fight, the easier it will be to resolve the conflict. Already half an hour after the argument, a person cools down and becomes fully capable of discussing even a sensitive or contentious issue. So don’t delay the call—ring immediately and apologize.
Even if he was wrong. Apologize for your impulsiveness, for the words you threw at him. That will be enough. Under no circumstances should you start justifying yourself. Say you’re sorry it happened this way, and that you didn’t want this fight. Don’t whine; keep your dignity, stay composed. Men highly value it when women admit their mistakes. This will be the bone you throw to your offended partner to satisfy his hunger for revenge. Now, no matter what you say, he’ll treat you leniently. If your apology is accepted, you may then end the conversation. Say that was all you wanted to say. Under no circumstances let him drag you back into the same argument—so part on a peaceful note. If your beloved wants to continue arguing after your apology, say you don’t feel like revisiting this topic right now. Say it in a way that makes him believe you!
Now it’s his turn. Sit calmly and wait for his call (and he will definitely call now—men have consciences too, and they struggle with feelings of guilt). When the long-awaited ringtone finally sounds, don’t jump with excitement—respond with restrained joy. Be very polite, but slightly sad and thoughtful. Let him feel that you’ve been hurt. Wait until he asks why. And only then can you express (in a very tactful and gentle way) what truly troubles you. Now it’s his turn to apologize.
When you should not call:
– if your lover has deeply offended you in a way that undermines your dignity;
– if he has hit you;
– if you’ve firmly decided that you don’t need him even for free.
