Anything can happen, for example, pouring alcoholic drinks in an unfamiliar company, and the sign of the Zodiac will tell you about your new drinking buddy. The rules for pouring alcohol into yourself with Aries are never to drink with them. If fate has thrown you together for a bottle, join Aquarius to your company so that he can pull you away from the glass in time. Otherwise, in the morning you will wake up in some Leningrad and find out that you got married to an elderly Russian language teacher the day before, having also insulted a good person in a ushanka. You will hear the truth about your past adventures under the absolutely sober gaze of Aries, who shakes his head: “You really got yourself into it, we literally had a drop.”
And Aries should know that other signs have weak physiology—imagine, alcoholic drinks make them drunk!
Taurus
Even if Taurus is drunk, he is sober—at least that’s what he pretends. Even when crawling on all fours, Taurus firmly believes that everything is just beginning. They take everything from life that they stand firmly on. To have everything perfect and in full measure—from wallet to sex. This applies to alcohol as well. It is not recommended to skimp at the table with Taurus; for one bottle you bring (order, set), you will hear an unpleasant remark or a jab from him. Although even two bottles won’t save the situation for you, because after them Taurus transforms into a red-eyed bull and will smash everything in his path to pieces: a violet, a tea set, and your warm relationships.
Gemini
The natural duality of Gemini during alcoholic intoxication malfunctions, giving the main role to one of the personalities. If you’re lucky, the world will see a jester who sings and laughs. If not, a terrifying type who hates everyone and everything and seeks to destroy them in every way (here, Gemini’s drinking companions can learn a lot about themselves, from appearance to life stance). In the morning, Gemini will wave it off—who gets offended by a drunk?
Cancer
To truly get to know Cancer, you need to get him drunk. This innate master of disguise “under the fly” reveals himself to the people and says goodbye to his shame. Getting a sober Cancer woman to have spontaneous sex is practically impossible, but a tipsy Cancer woman is already “lying down and asking for it.” In the morning, Cancer naturally crawls back into his shell, silently suffering, gritting his teeth.
Leo
Among the ten differences between a drunk Leo and a sober one, you can find only one—the decibels that proportionally increase with the amount of alcohol consumed. And a sober Leo, telling stories about himself, his victories, and adventures, occasionally pauses to rest. A drunk Leo has no time to breathe; he is busy telling stories about his level-80 coolness, while among 20 drinking companions, there is a “lucky one” who somehow knows nothing about this story.
Virgo
A trick question—why do Virgos drink? Probably, during intoxication, Virgo’s soul temporarily leaves the body to fly over endless forests and seas. On Earth, the stages of alcoholic intoxication are as follows: the first glass of cocktail (“I’m so drunk”), midnight (“I love you all”), and by morning (“Where’s the aspirin?”). For a young hangover-prone Virgo, the morning can begin with the news that she is no longer a virgin, but she won’t remember or recall the details of the transition to her new status. Convenient, by the way.
Libra
Although they are afraid to drink, they love this activity very much. After all, only “under the fly” do they lose their urge to weigh everything and anything, finally achieving harmony with their surroundings. Their constant search for the perfect ideal temporarily stops, because in that state, there can be no bad men or ugly women. Everyone is so white and fluffy, and how could you have gone so long without perceiving the Universe so aesthetically? True, in the morning, Libra will burn with shame, remembering a brotherhood toast with a specialist from a threshing and milling college. But that’s in the morning.
Scorpio downs shots until he gets into the groove, then suddenly stops, pouring drinks for others instead, whispering that he has a light hand. Lie! His hand is like a sledgehammer—it’s even heavier when drunk. This is his little joke, to later gloat over the sight of his victim trying to get up on all fours. If you’ve ever thought about deliberately getting Scorpio drunk to extract some information from him or to lure him into bed, throw that idea out of your head! He’ll agree, and off you go—”Let’s have a shot, but I’ll pour—I have a light hand.” Leningrad—an elderly Russian teacher—a ushanka. It is recommended to accept invitations to join Scorpio’s company for those who want to end up on YouTube.
Sagittarius
An alcoholic. A teetotaler. A loser. A lucky one. Go figure out how to drink with him. In the first case, your liver won’t be enough. In the second, you’ll die of boredom listening to half a lecture about the harm of strong drinks to the liver and spleen. In any scenario, if you find yourself next to a bottle and Sagittarius, follow his instructions. Since arguing with him is more expensive than it’s worth, it’s better if he shoots you than gets offended.
Capricorn
The formula of a drunk Capricorn’s consciousness is: character to the 10th degree plus the square root of common sense multiplied by minus one. Capricorn reaches this state after the third shot and doesn’t change no matter how much more he drinks. His usual caution and reserve disappear; he becomes the life of the party, showering compliments for miles around and cheerfully giggling at jokes made at his expense. Don’t fall for it! This beast remembers EVERYTHING in the morning!
Aquarius
A drunk Aquarius can turn the world upside down with a single spit, without any points of support—he doesn’t bother with such trifles. Divine lines are born on a scrap of paper from a ballpoint pen. A masterpiece worthy of world art history appears on a canvas after three strokes. Creating a new religion or a revolutionary economic model is easy! Unfortunately, no one has ever managed to see it. In principle, just like a drunk Aquarius himself. Because, slightly tipsy, he wants the feast to continue and then goes to sleep.
Pisces
If Pisces has taken a sip, keep your distance. If they’ve had a lot, run. Because in a few minutes, a drunk Pisces can experience the entire spectrum of emotions. And not just experience them—they’ll vividly demonstrate them! One moment they’re sniffling about their uselessness, the next you won’t even have time to blink before they’re dancing the gopak on the table, kicking plates and glasses, and telling a joke they heard just a second ago in the form of a story they literally got into yesterday.
